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Yeah, it’s Christmas day, and I was fighting the urge to post this because I’m not “allowed” to post stuff when I am not in the mood. I know eventually, they’ll find this post, but hell, I need to write this because I really want to get this out of my system.
I was hoping you’d send me love messages and sweet stuff last night, because it’s Christmas eve, and I was missing you a lot. I sent a long Christmas message at you, but you only replied, “ok tnx.” It really broke my heart, but I was trying my best not to get mad or anything because it’s Christmas.
Before I went to sleep, you said to me that you still didn’t trust me. And you told me that you were not in the mood to express tenderness to me and you’d rather fight with me. I just lost it. I immediately went to sleep while the whole house was still partying.
When I woke up, not even a single text from you.. And you’d still rather fight with me than talk to me sweetly.
You know, sometimes I don’t get you. I know that you’re tired of us fighting to little things like this, but I don’t get why you still do it? *sigh* I love you, okay? I love you so much. I tell you everyday of my life how much I do.. Please.. Christmas is the time for loving and being thankful to everything that God gave us, but why do you prefer to fight than give love? It’s kind of frustrating, and at the same time, sad..
I miss you, and I hope you’re doing well out there with your family. Because, here I am, a prisoner of my room, and one sweet message from you is enough to brighten up my Christmas.. That’s all I am asking from you..
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Napaka ironic lang na sabihan ka na habol mo lang sa babae ay sex.
Napakasakit palang mapagsabihang napaka dumi mong tao. Lalo na’t nanggaling sa taong mahal mo’t hinahangaan mo ng buong buo..
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Sabihin mo lang sakin lahat ng hinanakit mo sakin. Kung may galit ka, kung may tinatago kang poot, isigaw mo sa mukha ko para isang bagsakan na lang, tapos na ang problema mo. Sa totoo lang, wala na akong pakealam sa estado ng buhay ko ngayon. Kung sa tingin mo, natatapakan ko na ang pagkatao mo, magsabi ka lang. Hindi yung idadamay ko pa mga mahal ko sa buhay para unti unti akong pabagsakin.
Alam kong gustong gusto mong nakikita akong miserable. Sana masaya ka ngayon, dahil eto ako. Pakiramdam ko, ako na ang pinaka walang kwentang tao sa mundo.
Dapat tinuloy ko na lang yung pagiging graphic artist at hindi na ako nagbalak pang pasukin ang Photography. Kung ito lang din magiging dahilan ng pag aaway natin, pwede ko namang itigil na lang eh..
Siguro nga, nababagay ako sa opisina, at hindi sa labas na kumukuha ng kung anu-anong letratong walang pakinabang sa mundo.
Kung ikaw kaya magka girlfriend at ayain ko ding makipag date? Anong mararamdaman mo?!
Pag taken na, tigilan na. Punyeta naman, eh.
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Hindi pa sapat lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa’yo. Hindi pa sapat para mapasaya ka at hindi ka na makaramdam ng lungkot. Lahat ng gusto mo, bibigay ko. Lahat ng oras ko, inilaan ko sa’yo. Hindi madali ang tumira ng malayo sa’yo. Taga hilaga ako, taga kanluran ka. Hindi madali ang gumising sa umagang naiisp ko na ako’y mahigit 15 kilometrong kalayo sa kung saan ka gumigising. Alam mong araw at gabi, gusto kong kasama kita sa pag gising at sa pag tulog. Pero sa ngayon, hindi pa pwede. Onting tiis lang, makakabili din ako ng sarili kong bahay, makakasama din kita. Pero sa ngayon, sana, hindi mo iniisip na wala akong ginagawa. Na sa tuwing wala ako sa tabi mo, ako na ang pinaka walang kwentang taong nakilala mo. Pasensya ka na. Hindi ako superhero na sa isang tawag lang, makakalipad na kaagad kung saan ka naruruon.
Hindi ako superhero, isang ordinaryong tao lang ako’t may pagkukulang din. Kung pwede lang, araw-araw kitang babantayan, mamasahiin pag pagod ka, ipagluluto ng masasarap na pagkain, yayakapin pag nalulungkot. Kung pwede lang. Kung pwede lang..
Tiis muna, hangga’t hindi pa tayo kinakasal.. Dahil kapag nangyari iyon. Sisiguraduhin kong lahat ng oras na mayroon ako, ay ilalaan ko para sa’yo. Tandaan mo yan.
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Even when you tried hard enough. You just have to learn how to stop..
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How come it hurts even more every night? I thought this was for our good? Well, it’s not. IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH!
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He stared blankly into space that cold afternoon, with his heart beating very fast. On his mind, hurtful words popped up like rainfall, gushing down on a metal roof. He couldn’t hear anything, except those words that made a mark on his heart.
For months, he endured every single stone thrown at him. It was as if he made a very dreadful sin. But nevertheless, he couldn’t do a single thing about it, so he endured some more. He closed his eyes for a bit, breathed deeply as he cleared his thoughts of those painful words, building up every second.
Slowly, he raised his head. His eyes opened as light immediately entered it. When everything cleared up, he saw something beautiful in front of him. He saw her, his happiness. He gave a calming smile just to let her know he’s going to be okay.
As long as I have you by my side, I’ll be fine. I’ll get through this, and we’ll be happier than ever before.
She held his hand and showed her most therapeutic smile. She kissed his cheek, he felt a relief in his heart. Every hurtful word vanished for a bit. He felt the happiness once more.
One day we’ll get through this. We’ll reach that Castle in the Air someday. Baby steps. And everything will be wonderful once more. Have faith.
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